And by ‘you’ I mean ‘me.’
I just posted this status on Facebook:
This universe/my future self is always conspiring against me… feel like being social and less hermit-like, and BOOM! I get [J's] cold, only worse than he had it. I’m surprised my nose is still attached to my face. Damn you future self and your teaching me life lessons!! *shakes fist*
And it got the philosophical gears in my head moving (hopefully in a way that makes some sense, if not, I blame the death battle between viruses and antibodies within my body):
I believe in reincarnation and non-linear time (timey-wimey). Each life we have is a progression towards obtaining our highest self and it’s all happening concurrently. This highest self chooses which lessons you need to learn in each lifetime, and these lessons have to be learnt in order to move onto the next level/life. So those problems you’re having? You choose them for yourself for a reason. This is where my philosophy on suicide comes into play: if you choose to end your life because it has become too hard, you are only prolonging the inevitable. The same problem/lesson will still be there for your next life. To quote a friend:
Suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
You’re going to have to get through this period whether you like it or not, otherwise you’ll be stuck forever at the same level of being, repeating this life over and over. As someone who has dealt with suicidal thoughts, this philosophy has, literally, been a life saver. It also helps to realise that you wouldn’t have chosen these particular lessons and trials if you knew you wouldn’t be able to get through them. Your highest self knows you can, so have faith in yourself.
To get back to this current lesson that I seem to need to learn: take things slowly and look after yourself.
Good things take time and persistence. You think you’re ready to be fully social again? Na-ah! And lets just make sure you get a good dose of this cold to prove the point. You keep going about things half-arsed and you’re going to keep failing. You need to let yourself take time to properly get things together. Of course, you know this already. How about letting the message get through to the rest of your brain, instead of ambushing it with spontaneity for a change?
I know my highest self has my best interests at heart. Sabotage wouldn’t get anyone anywhere. Of course if things were easy, they wouldn’t be lessons. Doesn’t stop me from thinking my highest self is a sadist bitch sometimes though.