This excerpt really spoke to me:

Living with a mental illness is a study in survival. Every day, every emotion is questioned. What is this? Am I happy or am I starting to head towards mania? Is this an honest sadness or is my brain breaking again? Why is it breaking now? What is so different now than yesterday? Why me? Why this?

To say it’s frustrating is to minimize how paralyzing it can be. And then there’s the shame. Having to decide who to reveal to and when. If I meet someone I’m interested in, do I tell them that sometimes I shrink away or do I wait until it happens? Revealing too much too soon can end it before it begins. Waiting too long results in confusing behaviour that ends things as well. No matter how you play, someone isn’t going to understand.

- Bassey, Does That Make Me Crazy? Living With Bipolar II

How do you know that what you’re feeling is normal? Do other people feel the same way? We are only able to access the information inside our own heads, not others. It’s like trying to work out if other people see colours exactly the way you do. The way someone else sees perceives sea green (for example) maybe the way someone else sees perceives purple, but that’s the way they and you have always seen it, that’s what we were taught as children. It’s impossible to work out if you and I see things in exactly the same way, just like trying to work out if people’s emotions and internal, mental reactions to every day events are the same.

I’m not sure if what I’ve said above even makes sense to someone else… I know exactly what I mean, but of course you can’t see or hear my thoughts inside my head, or feel the way that I’m feeling.

Sure we all know that the majority of us will get a similar feeling of sadness from something, a feeling of happiness from something, feeling of anger from yet something else, but how do you know if the feeling that is triggered inside you is the same level that someone else will be feeling. What is the ‘normal’ way to be feeling about things? Do we really all get days were we feel extra sad, or days were we feel extra happy for no known reason? Or there might be a reason, but then you start asking yourself if the way you’re reacting and feeling is more extreme than someone else would be in the same or similar situation (or at least I personally do).

Then you get a whole other problem where you start to second guess whether what you’re feeling is a ‘true’ emotion, or are you just faking it so well that even you can’t be sure yourself whether it’s real or not.

And there’s issue where you start asking yourself why you find particular things triggering for mania or depression. Situations like getting low blood sugar, not getting enough sleep, even just stubbing your toe. Do other bipolar sufferers find these or similar events can lead them into an episode?

Over the top of all of this, there’s this thought gnawing away at you in the back of your mind, “Is this diagnosis really what’s wrong with me? What if I just display all the symptoms because that’s what I started believing I had? What if I’m actually a hypochondriac, and the reasons the medication works is because I believe it will work and therefore it has a placebo effect?” (Though in saying that, not all medication has worked for me, some making things worse, others not having any effect.)

I know there’s some of you out there that will read this and start to worry. You don’t need to, I’m ok Really this is just me thinking aloud, wondering if there are others who feel the same way as I do, and looking for some enlightenment.

My results for The Kink Spectrum Test:

Connoiseur
Kink repertoire 79%; 65% mental, 42% polar, and 62% unusual. Previously: Kink repertoire 71%; 64% mental, 79% polar, and 52% unusual.

Explanation of variables (I have highlighted the categories which I fall into, and noted difference to previous result in sea green):

KINK: How broad your kink repertoire is.
If your percentage isn’t as high as you think it should be, keep this in mind: there are people who like kinky things that you don’t like out there, and that may be a useful thing to know. Look for people who have similar overall kinkiness percentages.
- Higher, not by much though.

MENTAL: Mental vs. physical axis.
0-30: you enjoy the physical more than the mental
30-70: you enjoy the physical and mental equally
70-100: you enjoy the mental more than the physical
- Higher (barely), same category.

POLAR: Polar vs. nonpolar axis.
Whether it matters who’s doing it — you or the other person.
0-30: you like it both ways
30-70: your preferences are somewhat directional
70-100: you do one thing, they do another
- Lower, it would seem I now take a more balanced approach.

UNUSUAL: Unusual vs. typical axis.
0-30: you like the usual things
30-70: you do some of both
70-100: you prefer strange stuff
- Higher, still in the same category, but slightly less vanilla.

Within the cornucopia of kink, there are some things that most people, even people who don’t think of themselves as kinky, enjoy. Then there are things that it’s really best to ask first, or you might find yourself staring at a shocked or confused expression on the face of your naked companion. So it’s good to know how typical vs. unusual your preferences are.

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My results for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test:

Blue (450 nm)
You scored 68% self-confidence and 61% bandwidth! Previously: 70% self-confidence and 67% bandwidth.

Comparison with previous results is in magenta.

You scored 64% giving and 31% receiving on oral.
- Decrease in both, 68% giving and 38% receiving.
You scored 78% giving and 100% receiving on anal.
- Slight decrease in giving (89%), and now all for receiving (90%).
You scored 8% giving and 50% receiving on bondage.
- Interestingly preference for giving has not changed (8%), and but desire for receiving has (64%).
You scored 44% giving and 62% receiving on humiliation.
- No change for giving (44%), and confirmation of what I was already suspecting, that I am indeed more interested in receiving (71%).
You scored 28% giving and 67% receiving on pain.
- I’m not so interest in the art pain it would seem, 44% giving and 76% receiving.
You scored 36% dominance and 53% submission.
- More dominant (33%) and less submissive (60%), which is actually the opposite of what I’ve been feeling lately. Go figure. Though I may be confusing my desire for humiliation and degradation with submission.
You scored 71% voyeurism and 58% exhibitionism.
- Same interest in watching (71%), but would like to be watched slightly more (53%).

Besides that, you’re 44% into fetishism (what the? that’s certainly a surprise, 75%) and 88% polysexual (same same same, 88%) (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You’ll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 39% on autoerotic (this is also an unexpected change, 65%) – a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It’s not exactly a matching criterion, but it’s good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

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And now we have the new test:

My results for The GIGANTIC Sexual Impurity Test:

The Seeker of Kink
You have 51% Impurity, 37% Experience, 69% Fantasies, and 35% Freakyness!

You have experimented quite a bit in your life, but you long to do more… a lot more. All those taboos are simply begging to be broken… (Yeah, that’s about right.)

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And that’s it. Take the tests for yourself, and let me know how you go in the comments below

I’m into BDSM and my safe word is “safe word.” It’s short, memorable, and unmistakable in its intent. Someone recently told me that “any serious BDSM player” would laugh me out of the community if I used that. Is she right? Is she just being a dickhead? Should I have to say something silly like “grapefruit” in order to get my point across?

Grapefruits Aren’t Good

I may not be the best person to adjudicate this dispute, GAG, as my safe word is “popcorn.” (And, yes, I cross my arms over my chest when I use it, as demonstrated here: tinyurl.com/safewordpopcorn. FAE NOTE: Unfortunately this video is only available in the US.) But in my opinion, the woman who informed you that you would be laughed out of “the community” for your choice of safe word is being a huge dickhead. In fact, it sounds like she has a bad case of You’re Doing It Wrong.

YDIW is a social-skills disorder that members of the BDSM community are at particular risk of acquiring. (Others at heightened risk: religious conservatives, sports fans, advice columnists.) BDSMers with YDIW feel they have a right to inform other BDSMers that they’re doing it wrong—whatever it might be—even if the “it” being done wrong poses no risk to the YDIW sufferer or anyone else.

BDSM players should speak up, of course, when they witness other BDSMers doing something dangerously wrong. BDSMers who observe dangerous or nonconsensual play at public parties have a responsibility to speak the fuck up before someone is seriously injured. The secondary, tertiary, and quaternary goals of creating a BDSM community were the sharing of skills, the promotion of good play practices, and the holding of dangerous or malicious players to account, respectively. (The primary goal? Getting BDSMers laid.) But some BDSMers confuse a responsibility to speak up when they witness dangerous play for an invitation to critique other people’s kinks, sexual interests, preferred fetish roles, safe words, etc.

YDIW in BDSMers—and social conservatives—can be treated and cured through the application of “NO ONE GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK, ASSHOLE.” It should be applied liberally whenever YDIW flares up.

- Savage Love

(c) All rights reserved by suivusev

This is it’s latest offering:

- Poly in Pictures

This lead me to this fantastic essay on how images are used to segregate rest rooms. This of course is yet another way society polices and enforces its own construct of gender. (You can see my own thoughts on this subject here.)

GO WHERE? SEX, GENDER, AND TOILETS

Women’s and men’s washrooms: we encounter them nearly every time we venture into public space. To many people the separation of the two, and the signs used to distinguish them, may seem innocuous and necessary. Trans people know that this is not the case, and that public battles have been waged over who is allowed to use which washroom. The segregation of public washrooms is one of the most basic ways that the male-female binary is upheld and reinforced.

Click on picture for yet more gendered toilet signs.

I present here for your perusal, a typology and analysis of various washroom signs.

[Editor: After the jump because there are dozens of them... which is why Marissa's post is so awesome...]

The Universal Male

One of the ideas that supports patriarchy is the notion that a man can be representative of all humanity, or “mankind”, while a woman could only be representative of other women. For example, in politics we see “women’s issues” segregated from everybody issues.

Washroom signs illustrate this idea by depicting the male figure simply, and the female as some kind of elaboration on the male figure. Read the rest here.

You can do the test for yourself here

Kill two birds with one stone by grabbing your scissors, fold the t-shirt in half, shoulder to shoulder, slowly and carefully cut a quarter circle/ellipse from the fold at the center out towards the top of the shoulder, and:

BOOM!!

NOTE: If you have a print on the t-shirt you would prefer not cutting into, make sure you can see it as you’re cutting, so you don’t end up cutting too low or wide.

T-shirting material is great, no need to hem as it doesn’t fray.

Because the neckline is looser, the whole garment now sits slightly lower. I find this usually takes the t-shirt out of the “always riding up and giving me kidney freeze” zone to something much more comfortable.

Many of my t-shirts now look like this. Just make sure before you do it, that you’re 100% certain you’re not going to need to return the shirt for any reason. Obviously no shop is going to accept any returned garments if they have been altered.

Also wouldn’t recommend this course of action if you don’t like flashing your bra straps about. That’s pretty much a given with your newly widened neckline.

When J shared the following article with me last night, I felt compelled to write about it.

Trigger warning

A registered nurse who had sexual liaisons with three teenage boys has been sentenced to a year’s home detention.

Aroha Veronica Webber, 41, was sentenced in the Rotorua District Court today after earlier pleading guilty to six charges of unlawful sexual connection with the 15-year-olds.

Her counsel, Paul Mabey, QC, submitted if they had been a year older no carnal crime would have been committed. She had not sexually groomed the boys.

He outlined how they had gathered at Webber’s home when she was in a fragile state following her marriage breakdown. As a result of this she had “hit the booze” and the offending had occurred, Mr Mabey said.

She had allowed the boys into her home rather than see them wandering the streets.

Webber strenuously denied a claim in a victim impact statement that one of the boys had contracted a sexually transmitted disease from her.

“She is a registered nurse, she knows her own body’s health,” Mr Mabey submitted.

Judge James Weir also discounted the allegation. He noted her offending had been entirely out of character and had occurred when she was “disinhibited” by alcohol.

- Nurse sentenced for sex with teens

Now let’s step back for a moment. Imagine the accused is instead a 41-year-old male, and the victims are 15-year-girls.

“[If the victims] had been a year older no carnal crime would have been committed” certainly would not be seen as a valid excuse.  It didn’t happen in a years time, or with 16-year-olds, it happened now, with 15 year olds.  A 15-year-old is legally unable to consent to any sexual activity.

It doesn’t matter that the victims entered the accused’s home voluntarily. That doesn’t mean they automatically consent to anything that happens within the home, even if they weren’t minors.

As for the accused denying that it was possible that one of the victims contracted a STD from the encounter because “she is a registered nurse, she knows her own body’s health”, then she would also know that STDs/STIs can be asymptomatic. She could have been a carrier for the disease/infection without knowing. That’s why sexual health checks are important, along with PROTECTED sexual activity, which obviously didn’t happen in this case.

Would the judge had accepting that the accused “was ‘disinhibited’ by alcohol” (‘disinhibited’ isn’t a word by the way, it should be ‘uninhibited’), and that it was “entirely out of character”? I understand that a marriage breakdown is a stressful time, but that doesn’t give you a free pass. What if something more serious had happened, what if this was a murder trial? Would being “‘disinhibited’ by alcohol”, having a marriage breakdown, and it being “entirely out of character” be mitigating factors? Just because she hasn’t been accused before doesn’t mean this is the first time something like this has happened (admit it, you’d think the same thing if she was actually a male).

And what’s with the sentence of home detention? The offending happened AT HER HOME.

This whole thing is just all kinds of wrong… what kind of justice is this?

~~ Feel so dirty after looking for appropriate images for this post… Need to go cleanse myself… I’m so disappointed in humanity.~~

Now I think we’re all grown up enough to admit that yes, lots of sugar is bad for you. But when someone comes along making out like sugar is this huge bad guy, giving 113 reasons for this belief, doubling up on a number of those reasons with no citations, and no one points this out in the comments, I have to do something about it.

(I may be guilty of getting caught up in someone being wrong on the internet here, but I make no apologies.)

So here we go:

113 Way Sugar Can Ruin Your Health – Are You Sure About That?

**Comments written in red are mine. All links have been added by me.**

In addition to throwing off the body’s homeostasis, excess sugar may result in a number of other significant consequences. The following is a listing of some of sugar’s metabolic consequences from a variety of medical journals and other scientific publications. - Such as? Unless you give the reference details for said “medical journals and other scientific publications”, where is your proof that what you’re saying is true? Are we to just take your word for it?

1. Sugar can suppress the immune system.
2. Sugar can upset the body’s mineral balance.
3. Sugar can cause hyperactivity, anxiety, concentration difficulties, and crankiness in children.
4. Sugar can cause drowsiness and decreased activity in children.
5. Sugar can adversely affect children’s school grades.
6. Sugar can produce a significant rise in triglycerides.
7. Sugar contributes to a weakened defense against bacterial infection.
8. Sugar can cause kidney damage.
9. Sugar can reduce helpful high density cholesterol (HDLs).
10. Sugar can promote an elevation of harmful cholesterol (LDLs).
11. Sugar may lead to chromium deficiency.
12. Sugar can cause copper deficiency. - I really think these should be just one point, after all they are both deficiencies, and it is no different to listing four different cancers in #14.
13. Sugar interferes with absorption of calcium and magnesium. - Could this point be included with copper and chromium deficiency? Though it doesn’t actually say whether it decreases absorption or increases it. I’m guessing there is a decrease, but citation would have helped this issue.
14. Sugar may lead to cancer of the breast, ovaries, prostate, and rectum.
15. Sugar can cause colon cancer, with an increased risk in women. - Shouldn’t this be included with the above point? You can’t have one point for four different cancers, then list another cancer in the next point.
16. Sugar can be a risk factor in gall bladder cancer. - This has the same problem as above, “may lead to”, “can cause”, “can be a risk factor in” all mean the same thing. Sugar may increase the chance of (yes, that’s another way of saying it) six different cancers, one point, not three.
17. Sugar can increase fasting levels of blood glucose.
18. Sugar can weaken eyesight.
19. Sugar raises the level of a neurotransmitter called serotonin, which can narrow blood vessels.
20. Sugar can cause hypoglycemia. - Hypoglycemia is caused by low blood sugar levels. Is it possible she means hyperglycemia? Those tricky “hypo” and “hyper” definitions, always making us think one is the other.
21. Sugar can produce an acidic stomach.
22. Sugar can raise adrenaline levels in children. - I could be wrong, but isn’t this the same as #3?
23. Sugar can increase the risk of coronary heart disease.
24. Sugar can speed the aging process, causing wrinkles and grey hair.
25. Sugar can lead to alcoholism. - What? Really? This is one of those times where some citation would have been really good, I would really like to read which article this information came from.
26. Sugar can promote tooth decay.
27. Sugar can contribute to weight gain and obesity.
28. High intake of sugar increases the risk of Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis.
29. Sugar can cause a raw, inflamed intestinal tract in persons with gastric or duodenal ulcers.
30. Sugar can cause arthritis.
31. Sugar can cause asthma.
32. Sugar can cause candidiasis (yeast infection).
33. Sugar can lead to the formation of gallstones.
34. Sugar can lead to the formation of kidney stones.
35. Sugar can cause ischemic heart disease. - Heart disease was already mentioned at #23. This should be included there.
36. Sugar can cause appendicitis.
37. Sugar can exacerbate the symptoms of multiple sclerosis.
38. Sugar can indirectly cause hemorrhoids. - If something is only an indirect cause, can you really include it?
39. Sugar can cause varicose veins.
40. Sugar can elevate glucose and insulin responses in oral contraception users.
41. Sugar can lead to periodontal disease. - Oooo that’s tricky. Use the technical term for #26, and voila! You have another point.
42. Sugar can contribute to osteoporosis. - Seeing as it interferes with the absorption of calcium (#13), it seems only fair that it could contribute to osteoporosis.
43. Sugar contributes to saliva acidity. - This is the same as #26, no?
44. Sugar can cause a decrease in insulin sensitivity.
45. Sugar leads to decreased glucose tolerance.
46. Sugar can decrease growth hormone.
47. Sugar can increase total cholesterol.
48. Sugar can increase systolic blood pressure.
49. Sugar can change the structure of protein causing interference with protein absorption.
50. Sugar causes food allergies. - So sugar definitely causes food allergies then? Citation?
51. Sugar can contribute to diabetes. - Decreased insulin sensitivity (#44), decreased glucose tolerance (#45), I’m pretty sure those things equal diabetes…
52. Sugar can cause toxemia during pregnancy.
53. Sugar can contribute to eczema in children.
54. Sugar can cause cardiovascular disease. - *face palm* See #23 and #35.
55. Sugar can impair the structure of DNA. - More information please.
56. Sugar can cause cataracts.
57. Sugar can cause emphysema.
58. Sugar can cause atherosclerosis. - Cardiovascular disease maybe? (#54)
59. Sugar can cause free radical formation in the bloodstream.
60. Sugar lowers the enzymes’ ability to function. - Which enzymes? All of them?
61. Sugar can cause loss of tissue elasticity and function.
62. Sugar can cause liver cells to divide, increasing the size of the liver.
63. Sugar can increase the amount of fat in the liver.
64. Sugar can increase kidney size and produce pathological changes in the kidney.
65. Sugar can overstress the pancreas, causing damage.
66. Sugar can increase the body’s fluid retention.
67. Sugar can cause constipation.
68. Sugar can cause myopia (nearsightedness).  - Eyesight already mentioned at #18
69. Sugar can compromise the lining of the capillaries.
70. Sugar can cause hypertension.
71. Sugar can cause headaches, including migraines.
72. Sugar can cause an increase in delat, alpha and theta brain waves, which can alter the mind’s ability to think clearly.
73. Sugar can cause depression.
74. Sugar can increase insulin responses in those consuming high- sugar diets compared to low sugar diets.
75. Sugar increases bacterial fermentation in the colon.
76. Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance.
77. Sugar can increase blood platelet adhesiveness which increases risk of blood clots.
78. Sugar increases the risk of Alzheimer Disease.

**I had trouble with the WordPress formatting here and html coding isn’t really my thing. I wanted to make a point about the number of repeats appearing in the remainder of the list, but couldn’t do so without the numbering restarting from one. So we now have Part One (above) and Part Two (below)**

1. Sugar can cause a increase in delta, alpha and theta brain waves. - Repeat Part One #72
2. Sugar can cause depression. - Repeat Part One #73
3. Sugar increases the risk of gastric cancer. - Again with the cancer. Repeat Part One #14, #15, #16.
4. Sugar and cause dyspepsia (indigestion). - Repeat Part One #21
5. Sugar can increase your risk of getting gout.
6. The ingestion of sugar can increase the levels of glucose in an oral glucose tolerance test over the ingestion of complex carbohydrates.
7. Sugar can increase the insulin responses in humans consuming high- sugar diets compared to low sugar diets. - Repeat Part One #74
8. Sugar increases bacterial fermentation in the colon. - Repeat Part One #75
9. Sugar increases the risk of colon cancer in women. - Repeat Part One #15. Cancer risks also mentioned at Part One #14, #16, and Part Two #3.
10. There is a greater risk for Chron’s disease with people who have a high intake of sugar. - Repeat Part One #28
11. Sugar can cause platelet adhesiveness.
12. Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance. - Repeat Part One #76
13. Sugar can lead to the formation of kidney stones. - Repeat Part One #34
14. Sugar can lead to the hypothalamus to become highly sensitive to a large variety of stimuli.
15. Sugar can lead to dizziness.
16. High sucrose diet significantly increases serum insulin.
17. High sucrose diets of subjects with peripheral vascular disease significantly increases platelet adhesion. - Repeat Part Two #11
18. High sugar diet can lead to biliary tract cancer. - Repeat of cancer, Part One #14, #15, #16, and Part Two #3, #9.
19. High sugar diets tend to be lower in antioxidant micro nutrients.
20. High sugar consumption of pregnant adolescents is associated with a twofold increased risk for delivering a small-for- gestational-age (SGA) infant.
21. High sugar consumption can lead to substantial decrease in gestation duration among adolescents with high sugar diets.
22. Sugar slows food’s travel time through the gastrointestinal tract. - I actually thought this would be a good thing.
23. Sugar increases the concentration of bile acids in stools and bacterial enzymes in the colon can modify bile to produce cancer-causing compounds and colon cancer. - Repeat of cancer Part One #14, #15, #16, and Part Two #3, #9, #18. Both Part One #15 and Part Two #9 are to do with colon cancer risk, for women in particular.
24. Sugar is associated with a substantial decrease in normal time of gestation among adolescents. - Repeat Part Two #21
25. Sugar can cause a depletion in chromium which is tied to the development and progression of nearsightedness. - Repeat Part One #11, #18, #68
26. Sugar can be a risk factor of gallbladder cancer. - Repeat of cancer Part One #14, #15, #16, and Part Two #3, #9, #18, #23.
27. Sugar is an addictive substance.
28. Sugar can be intoxicating, similar to alcohol.
29. Sugar can exacerbate PMS.
30. Sugar suppresses lymphocytes.
31. Decrease in sugar can increase emotional stability. - This point just annoys me because it’s worded all wrong. It should be “Sugar can decrease emotional stability”.
32. The body changes sugar into 2 to 5 times more fat in the bloodstream than it does starch.
33. Sugar can cause inappropriate behavior and decreased performance in children. - Repeat Part One #3, #4, #5, #22.
34. Sugar can worsen the symptoms of children with attention deficit disorder (ADD).
35. The sugar in chewing gum can cause dental cavities. - Repeat Part One #26, #43

Do yourself a favor and go through this long list (which should really only be about half the length) and write out how many of the symptoms you have. What sugar does to a body is pretty frightening (especially when you write down the same symptoms as if they’re different a bunch of times). Kind of hard to believe, to be honest with you (kinda like how you managed to miss all those double-ups). Almost everything we eat contains sugar. We wonder why we are so sick and have so many ailments. The saddest part about it though is how many of us are willing to change our diets and limit our sugar intake (I think you mean it’s sad “how many of us are NOT willing to change our diets”). It is a sacrifice, I know! I struggle with it and if we are honest, we all do! Who doesn’t love sugar? It tastes so good! It is palatable to the taste buds. One of our taste buds is sweet after all.

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So that’s it. Kudos if you managed to make your way through the whole thing.

There’s nothing wrong with making this kind of list, if that’s your thing, then go nuts. But if you are going to do so, at least use references and citations.  Don’t repeat the same points to increase the perceived risk, it’s not doing yourself or your message any favours.

If you disagree with anything I’ve said, or think I missed something, let me know in the comments below.

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Comments from Twitter:

@IrnBruja
@ThatGirlFae [Part One] #20- Eating too much sugar can cause a hypo state as the body jacks up the insulin. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all!

@IrnBruja
@ThatGirlFae [Part One] #32- Ischemia going by your link affects arteries throughout the body, as opposed to coronary heart disease.

@IrnBruja
@ThatGirlFae [Part One] #43 surely saliva acidity would also affect salival enzymes, leading to digestion problems?

My reply: @ThatGirlFae
@IrnBruja that’s a valid point this is why referencing and citations are important, along with a more detailed explanation

Last night I had the most bizarre dream (though let’s be honest, when is a dream not that bizarre?).

J and I were moving house, except this wasn’t any house that I’ve lived in before.

Our friend Panda was helping, and then inexplicably J went missing. I couldn’t find him anywhere. So Panda and I continued with the packing, when suddenly the house started moving. It would seem it had been put on a truck for transport while we were still inside, without us noticing.

Time passed in a flash, and we were inside the house at the new location. All the pieces of furniture were still in the same position, but the carpet had been removed, exposing the the wooden planking below. The planks were rough and unvarnished, just like you would expect them to be after being under carpet for so many years.

It was then that I realized I was only wearing a nighty, with no underwear, nor pajama pants. Panda’s friend, David, arrived. I have never heard of nor met David before, and he didn’t look like anyone from my conscious life. Blonde, a little tan, and relatively good looking, but otherwise fairly nondescript. I managed to find some underwear, and told David to turn away while I put it on in the most awkward fashion.

David then drove me to university to meet Panda so we could search for J, though I didn’t seem to be particularly concerned that J was missing. This place looked nothing like the actual university, but I knew that was what this place was, just like I knew David had driven me there, though there was no visual of this happening.

The university consisted of one multistory building, I could not tell you exactly how many floors there were. It was surrounded by a bright, luscious green, rolling landscape, with the odd elm tree and flax bush scattered throughout.

Panda and I entered the building, David was no longer a participant in events.

We climbed into the lift, joining two nondescript brunette women in their late teens/early twenties who were already aboard. One of us pressing the button to go up. The lift jolted slowly upwards, increasing to a moderate speed. There were no doors on the front of the lift. We could see the floors as we passed them by, but were unable to get off, not knowing if the lift would further increase in speed if we tried. There was an underlying feeling that the if we were to step out onto a floor as it went by, the lift would crush us against the ceiling, slicing us in half like a guillotine.

The lift continued to move upwards. We soon lost count of the number of floors that went by, though we knew that it was far more than the building appeared to have from the outside. The digital display inside the lift was no help, instead acting like a random number generator.

Panda and I did not talk or seemingly communicate in anyway throughout the journey, even though I knew he was feeling exactly what I was. I knew the other girls in the lift were also feeling the same. The air in the lift was full of an electric silence. None of else felt any fear during this never-ending lift ride. There was more of a general consensus that the whole thing was rather odd, but not worth being particularly worried about. That was the whole overriding mood of the whole dream. A sedated calm. There wasn’t even a hint of being impatient or irritated, such as you would normal expect.

My perspective changed to third person, and the scene faded to black.

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I suppose the thing I found most strange about this dream was the lift ride, and the calmness I felt throughout the whole thing. Normally when I dream of lifts, it’s a roller coaster of terror*. So it was a nice change? It’s also strange that I can’t place the events that happened throughout the dream. Apart from seeing Panda over the weekend, and the fact that the nighty I was wearing in the dream was the one that I went to bed in, I can’t figure out exactly what my subconscious was trying to process. It will probably forever be one of life’s mysteries.

*I must point out that while I have dreams that could be classified as “scary”, I don’t think of them as nightmares. They never cause me to wake up in fear, even though I may feel more than a little scared throughout the dream.

w00t!!

I’m proud to say you’ve all managed to get my page views up to 10,060!!

It all makes me feel very humble

I feel the occasion deserves a special via requests post, photos or a specific topic. Got any suggestions? Let me know in the comments below.

Sure, I’m fairly eccentric when it comes to my clothing and hair styles, but that’s pretty much it.

I have dabbled in the odd bit of poetry and art, but not for a long time, and I certainly wouldn’t say that it was particularly fantastic (no matter what I tried to tell myself at the time).

Maybe my perceptions are being skewed by society and the media… that and the fact that I have type 2 Bipolar Disorder, which generally doesn’t seem to have the same potentially dangerous and extreme effects on an individual and their surroundings as type 1 does. I tend to have mixed episodes, and, luckily I suppose, not hypomania.

I had thought that once I had my correct diagnoses that it would make everything seem a little better, but now I feel even more isolated than anything else. I have Evil Twin Rachel sitting inside my head, surrounded by her gremlins, telling me that I’m doing it wrong.

Who needs trolls when you’ve got your very own one living in your head.

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You can find a complete contradiction of this post here.

WWII will be in the next post, because I decided including both in the same post would make it far too long.

Haters Gonna Hate

While my experience with trolls is relatively minimal, thankfully (see here and here), I have decided to take a page out of the books of Kitty and Fat Heffalump when it comes to future encounters (though it does seem the tumblr has been taken down, unfortunately).

To just ignore them and pretend they don’t effect me is a lie, to me and to them. It sits at the back of your mind and slowly eats you up. Yes, it’s stooping down to their level, but constantly taking the high road just helps them chip away at my mental support wall, weakening me. By fighting back, it actually enforces that wall, it makes me stronger. Having to defend myself, my beliefs, my appearance, my health (both mental and physical), is constructive for me.

While this approach may make some others uncomfortable, such as those who shy away from confrontation (not looking at anyone in particular *cough*), it’s something I have to do. Given the reach of this blog though, I don’t think it will be something that happens very often.

xkcd: Duty Calls

Trolls (concern trolls or otherwise) can’t be allowed to get away with this behaviour, and while I know it’s incredibly hard to change someone’s opinion, especially when they’re online and anonymous, I can’t very well complain about it if I don’t actually try to do something to change it. It is only through ignorance that the majority of trolls exist, and they will continue to be ignorant as long as they remain uneducated. It is up to us to educate them, because they certainly aren’t going to do it themselves, and it will be for the betterment of everyone involved.

Do you experience trolls? If so, do you ignore them, hope they’ll go away and bother someone else, or do you fight back?

That is all.