THIS!!
I can’t stress it enough. There’s nothing more frustrating while you’re trying to cope with your mental illness to have someone come along and say: “Just be happy!” or “You’re not trying hard enough!”
Being oblivious to your mental health privilege can cause people to suffer from the worse ever cases of “You’re Doing it Wrong!“
So I’m naturally a redhead, but as of late I’ve been brunette:
It’s pretty difficult to lighten my hair when it’s in its natural state, but the dark brown/red/purple is proving to be even more tricky.
After two ultimate lightening treatments, I am now a redhead again:
This is just a pit-stop on my way to dabbling with being blonde again. I will most likely need at least one more lightening treatment, which will have to wait until next week. My roots are already blonde, it’s just a matter of getting the rest of my hair there.
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In other exciting news, tomorrow I’m getting photographed for a Fine Arts student’s sexualities project as an example of pansexuality. Hopefully I’ll be able to share some of the photos with you 
I managed to get through the remainder of uni last week, and every day so far this week has been a win. It’s handy that I don’t have any classes on Wednesday, so I get a mid-week break.
And as I mentioned last week, I was waiting to hear from the CDHB Mental Health Services for an appointment. On Friday they contacted me, and I have an appointment for assessment on 1st August, so yay 
UPDATE: And yes, once again, you may have noticed I have changed my theme.
Continuing on from today’s earlier post, I think I’ll take today as an overall win.
My visit to the doctor went well, and my medication dosage will be increased from tomorrow. This means it will now be at the maximum daily dosage for anxiety/panic. My doctor is going to write to the Canterbury District Health Board (CDHB) to refer me for a mental health assessment. It will probably take at least a couple of months to get an appointment, considering I have been waiting nearly six months for an appointment with the gynecologist (that’s after receiving a letter late February/early March this year stating that I would have an appointment within six months).
Considering my mental state is really starting to impede J’s own studies, I really hope this whole thing gets sorted. It’s not fair on him, and the guilt only makes me worse. The worse I get, the more I feel like I’m going to break something, just to have some sort of release. I have managed to contain myself so far, but it worries me that at some point I might not be able to. I don’t want to hurt myself, and I most definitely don’t want to end up hurting someone else.
It’s like I’m fighting against an evil twin in my mind sometimes, an evil twin who tried their damned hardest to undermine whatever it is that I do, and has the depression and anxiety gremlins for sidekicks. They go around planting seeds of self-doubt and anger, at myself and those around me, all the while hoping to snatch control for themselves and create a whirlwind of havoc. It’s hard maintaining control myself, and it’s getting tiring. I’ve won most of the battles so far, but winning a battle doesn’t mean that you’re winning the war.
Continuing the tally from earlier this week, the score is now:
Evil twin & gremlins – 2 (previously known as Depression/Anxiety)
Me – 1
I can only hope for a draw at best, with there only being one day of lectures to go for this week, but I will take that as a win, and definitely as progress in the right direction.
So I’m not sure whether to call today (this morning at least) at win or not…
I actually made it to uni today, well in time for my first lecture. Unfortunately, I was at the wrong room. When it became apparent that no one else was coming, I checked the course details online.
Now armed with the correct room number, I arrived with about five minutes to spare. There were a couple of other students milling outside who were also supposed to attended the Political Science/Philosophy lecture. It would seem the room had been double-booked, as there was a Chinese lecture in progress.
Like me, these other students had also not attended the first lecture for Political Science/Philosophy on Tuesday. There had most likely something said about the double-booking then, but nothing had been emailed as confirmation, or to advice the students who had been unable to attend that lecture.
So my first foray into a Level 200 paper is not going as well as expected, but at least I made it on campus today. I’m really looking forward to my History lecture later this afternoon. The paper is titled Revolutions and Revolutionaries, so it should be interesting
I also have a doctor’s appointment beforehand, hopefully my medication situation will be reevaluated so I can shove the depression and anxiety gremlins back in their little boxes and keep them there.
Wish me luck!
