Facing Reality

Let’s be honest here (and the truth isn’t anywhere near as dramatic as the title suggests), this blog isn’t what it used to be, what it set out to be.

When I started out, I had all these grand ideas about left-wing feminist activist-type discussions rantings, focused on fat acceptance and sex positivity.  Over the course of the past two and a half years, it’s really diversified into all kinds of things.  Nothing shows this better than my current Twitter profile:

twitter profile

This blog has become about all of this.  And I really don’t think that’s a bad thing.  It’s like a window into being me, and that’s more than I ever thought I could do when I first started this endeavour.

So yes, I have managed to derail myself, but now you get all of me, the real me. (Yay you!)

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

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That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

I’m Fat!? I Never Noticed!!

How could I have been so completely blind? Living in my own fantasy world!?

Thanks to Stuff.co.nz, people now have the tools to tell us fatties what we obviously did not already know.

To quote Tallulah from over at The Lady Garden:

Because there’s no such thing as a stigma against fat people, some days, it slips my mind that I am overweight. You see, I don’t ever get random abuse shouted at me on the street. The fact that I can only shop in about 5% of the clothes shops in my city in no way makes me feel like I’ve been corralled off into some paddock where the un-sexy fatties go to pig out and wear unflattering clothes. Buying clothes on the internet, and the extra cost involved, and hit-and-miss nature of it, passes me by. Going on that traditionally “girly” expedition, Shopping, with friends of “normal” sizes, in NO WAY feels like torture. I don’t ever end up buying, like, a $100 scarf, just to feel like “one of the girls”. And I certainly don’t own masses of shoes and scarfs and jewellery, because they’re the Fat Girl’s Consolation.

Read the rest of her post here.

Apparently “most adults do not see a problem in themselves but will see it in somebody else”, but ‘experts’ also say, “you should tell overweight friends or family that they need to slim down.” Do they not see the slight conflict of interest here? Or is it just me?

Ah, concern trolling. Who has not experienced some form of this? They mean no harm of course, they’re ‘just concerned about you.’ Some even go as far to say that you must be suffering from some kind of body dysmorphia, seeing beauty where, you know, it just isn’t there. How dare you be happy with the way you look, or even consider getting upset when you are told that you shouldn’t be.

People have no right to their own ideals on others. This counts for religion, political beliefs (not always separate), preferred hair colouring, music tastes, body type… the list goes on and on.

Why must we always feel the duty to pass judgment on each other?

H/T Tallulah


Acceptance of the Self

I do not agree with the premise of Valentine’s Day. You should not need a specific day to remind you to show your love to others. Random acts of love are much more meaningful. However, think of this as my Valentine’s Day post: love from others, and how that can effect the love of oneself.

It’s funny which things can have a triggering effect in a positive way.

Yesterday I was thinking about when it was that I started accepting my own self. It happened in a way that many would think bizarre.

Lying in bed one night, after J had drunk a considerable amount of alcohol, he told me, “I love my fat slut.” I believe this is in reference to my body size (obviously), and our polyamorous (open) relationship.

I admit, I was a little shocked initially, but once that soon faded, I realized that I was proud to be his fat slut. Here was the man I loved more than anything in the world, professing his love for me, using terms that many would consider offensive, and using those terms in the most endearing way. It was at that moment that I was proud of who I was, I could see in myself what he was seeing, where I had previously been blind.

He was embarrassed when I told him what he had said the next day. I don’t blame him. He was probably thinking that I was going to be upset, not knowing that what he said had had completely the opposite effect.  It actually filled me with a warm glow-y feeling.  I had never felt so loved and accepted.

I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing that I only found self-acceptance though someone else accepting me, but at least I got there.

HNT (on Friday): The Perceptions of Others & Fireworks on the Skin

As a reward for my faithfully readers who are still with me after this quiet period, I give you not one, but TWO Half-Nekkid Thursday contributions:

This is my butt (obviously). It is my most favourite body part. According to my friend Dee, my back isn’t half bad either, though I honestly hadn’t thought of it that way until she had mentioned it. It’s interesting how the perceptions of others can change your own perceptions of yourself.

And here we have the bonus image. I love how cheeky I look in this photo, which is exactly the look I was going for, so yay :D

Getting back to the perceptions of others influencing your own perceptions of yourself. Lately I have been thinking about my mother’s perception of beauty. Now I want to be clear that this isn’t an attack on her perceptions or opinions, we can’t all have the same idea of beauty, then we wouldn’t be individuals.

Perhaps it was her veiled disgust at my fat rolls that led me to fully embrace fat acceptance and discover the beauty within myself, for myself. How you perceive your own self also influences how others perceive you, it influences the way you carry yourself, how confident you look, the aura you have. Reject the negative and embrace the positive.

There are always going to be people out there who don’t share your view, you just need to take that negative energy and turn it into something positive. Find those who share your positive view and surround yourself with them.

Change is a gradual process, it takes time to erode through the many layers of negative sediment. This is the same in many areas of life, not just body acceptance, but also in accepting your own abilities, your own sexuality. Your own positive change can in turn help others do the same.

Change your stretchmarks, and make them fireworks on your skin!*

HNT_1

*someone @mentioned to me on Twitter that their friend called their stretchmarks ‘fireworks on the skin’, I can’t remember who sorry.