Decisions Made

Following on from yesterday’s post, I now have a fair idea with regards to my immediate future.

With J’s support, I have decided to withdraw from the rest of the semester.

I am too far behind (four weeks), and I can’t get my head back in the game.  Evil Twin Fae and her gremlins feeding this sense of complete failure is not going to let me fix things quickly.  I realise now that there is no way to salvage the remains of this semester.

I need a break. A chance to re-evaluate things.

At this stage I will be going back to attend the second semester, but probably as more of a part-time student, as per J’s advice.

As the second semester doesn’t start until 9 July 2012, that gives me about two months to sort my head out, and what my future as a student entails.

I’m still very unsure about everything, and how I feel. There is definitely now a sense of relief that a preliminary decision has been made, with a little bit of disappointment poking its way through from underneath.

Slippery Like a Fox

That’s how my mind feels to me right now.  I can almost get a hold of things, only to have it all slip through my fingers.

Now is a completely inappropriate time to be having a depressive cycle. Come on brain! At least I can get work done during a manic cycle.

It all just seems too much…

I don’t think I’m cut out for university. It’s still kicking my arse after two & a half years and I’m only half way to my degree.

But what else will I do? It’s not like I can just go get a job in this state (both the country’s economy and myself mentally).

And I do enjoy learning, most of the time.  I don’t even mind writing the odd essay.

I was so good last term! It felt like everything had finally clicked into place.

Now that the wedding is all over and done with though, I’ve had this massive drop that I just can’t pick myself up from.  It’s a real decent one this time.  I’ve just been feeling deflated since the day after the wedding. Given that the wedding was a month ago today, this is my longest depressive cycle I’ve had for a long time.

Even though J knew that this could happen occasionally, he knew my mental health history before he married me, I still feel like I’m letting him down.  He doesn’t deserve all this worry. This isn’t what the honeymoon period is supposed to be like!

I wonder if this is similar to what post-natal depression feels like?

What am I going to do?

So This is What Being a Full-Time Student Means…

I started back at uni this past week. This year I’m doing 200 level papers, and I now have a new understanding as to what it means to be a full-time student.

In light of that, I will probably only be posting on Sundays (potentially staggering them throughout the week, if there are enough of them).

In the meantime, here is a picture of a cute owl:

MIA

Sorry I’ve been all a bit missing in action recently.

I’ve been dealing with getting my Bipolar Disorder under control, and a mild breakdown at the end of the semester. But I did manage to pass all my papers for the semester (YAY).

Now J and I have our wedding plans well under way (DOUBLE YAY).

I’m still on summer holidays from uni at the moment and hope to get some more regular updates happening on here again.

Loves to you all
xx Fae