*sigh* Needing To Find My Way Back

I really thought that I would be doing post left, right and center during my summer holidays… but I really haven’t had anything to write about.

I just don’t feel that strongly enough about anything at the moment, or that I would be able to contribute anything to any conversations that are happening…. I’m really just out of the loop at the moment, and as the title of this post says, I need to find my way back. Though I do feel like I was never really fully “inside” the loop, more just loitering on the edge.

I have a feeling that the lack of response my previous posts have gotten probably isn’t helping the situation… I know I shouldn’t, but I always have, and probably always will, end up judging myself by how others respond to me. When I get no response to my posts it seriously feels like a little part of my dies inside sometimes.

I know this post is all a bit “poor me” but the theory is by saying this that I will work myself out of this funk.

There’s only two weeks left of these holidays, then I’m back at Uni. I’m really looking forward to attending classes again, getting my brain working. It will be much better than the twiddling of thumbs that I seem to be doing while sitting at home by myself during the day while J is at Uni, working on his PhD.

Of course once I’m back at Uni it will also be time to start organizing our wedding more seriously. So it will probably end up that I won’t be posting that often because I don’t have enough time, rather than because I don’t have anything to say πŸ˜›

We already have a venue in mind which we will be able to use for both the ceremony and reception. This means I only have to worry about center pieces, my dress, the bridesmaid dress, the celebrant, the flowers and what J will be wearing. Speaking of bridesmaids, my oldest friend (since kindergarten) is supposed to be my Maid of Honour, but I haven’t heard from her since before Christmas. No response from texts or Facebook. It’s strange, because she seemed really into the whole idea. So it looks like there will just be one bridesmaid, which I’m quite ok with. My younger sister (who just got married herself 3wks ago) is definitely going to be a bridesmaid, she’ll probably just end up being upgraded to Maid of Honour. And then there’s my best friend who was originally going to be my Maid of Honour, but we keep falling out. I never know whether we’re actually getting on or not. So I’ve given up. It just adds a whole lot more stress that I don’t need. Also, with only having one bridesmaid, that means J doesn’t have to find another groomsman πŸ™‚

We’ll see how it all works out, which I’m sure it will (not just the wedding, but everything, you know, my life).

10 thoughts on “*sigh* Needing To Find My Way Back

  1. Nice post. Congrats on getting married. don’t worry about what other people think (easier said than done I know)

  2. I had a conversation about blog stats just the other day. I live or die, right or wrong, by my blog stats. How many people visited? Where are they from? Did my friends from point x on the planet view my page? Why not? Do they not like me anymore.

    Not saying it’s easy to shake. Not saying that you should buck up and accept some people read/enjoy your blog. Just saying that I can relate.

    At the very least, you’re up to two comments on a blog you didn’t think many people read. πŸ™‚

    • i think it’s because it started out so strongly… 95 views on my first post… i haven’t had any days any where near that since then

      i crave approval, no matter how hard i try not to let it get to me

  3. You added extra after I read it the first time.

    Yes it will be nice not having to make more friends to be in the bridal party πŸ˜›

  4. I know that feeling to crave for approval and attention of our peers – but seriously screw them. This is your blog, your place to express yourself and say whatever you want.

    I have days when I wish I got more comments or more hits, but I also have the days where I feel like a ttal sell out now that my blog is so comercialised.

    check out i think lightinabox.com a friend of mine got a heap of her dresses etc from there and saved a fortune. Now that your sister is married she definitely qualifies as maid of honour. Very excited it’s time for you to get down to really planning things. Can’t wait to see photos of your big day πŸ™‚

    • i know!! it’s exciting!! i’ve already got a dress in mind, the same dressmaker that my sister used. the dressmaker ordered a size 32 especially for someone who backed out, so is now selling it at cost. once modifications are made so it actually fits me, it will cost around $1000, which is about what i want to spend.

      consciously i can say screw them, but my subconscious doesn’t let me get away with it so easily… damn you subconscious!! it’s a flaw in the human condition i suppose. you’re definitely not a sellout, if you’re good at something, then why the hell not get paid for it? i think my blog is a long way off attracting ppl who actually want to pay me to have access to advertising space, but it is honestly a goal to get it to that level

  5. I hope we get a wedding invite πŸ™‚

    I empathise with a lot of what you say in your post… my 3FC blog crashed and burned as soon as I stopped getting many non-spam comments. I didn’t give up without a fight – even started posting somewhat provocative stuff to try and coerce some kind of response from the community!

    We really ought to hang more. I need more friends too. And I’m not just trying to feed your desire for approval when I say you’re a very cool chick! x

  6. awww *blushes* we def need to hang out more, especially seeing as we live around the corner from each other. We might be moving ever closer to you in a couple of weeks, depending what the building report says for the house mum and dad are buying.

    i need to get back into activism posts again, that’s what this blog was started for in the first place

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