I really thought that I would be doing post left, right and center during my summer holidays… but I really haven’t had anything to write about.
I just don’t feel that strongly enough about anything at the moment, or that I would be able to contribute anything to any conversations that are happening…. I’m really just out of the loop at the moment, and as the title of this post says, I need to find my way back. Though I do feel like I was never really fully “inside” the loop, more just loitering on the edge.
I have a feeling that the lack of response my previous posts have gotten probably isn’t helping the situation… I know I shouldn’t, but I always have, and probably always will, end up judging myself by how others respond to me. When I get no response to my posts it seriously feels like a little part of my dies inside sometimes.
I know this post is all a bit “poor me” but the theory is by saying this that I will work myself out of this funk.
There’s only two weeks left of these holidays, then I’m back at Uni. I’m really looking forward to attending classes again, getting my brain working. It will be much better than the twiddling of thumbs that I seem to be doing while sitting at home by myself during the day while J is at Uni, working on his PhD.
Of course once I’m back at Uni it will also be time to start organizing our wedding more seriously. So it will probably end up that I won’t be posting that often because I don’t have enough time, rather than because I don’t have anything to say 😛
We already have a venue in mind which we will be able to use for both the ceremony and reception. This means I only have to worry about center pieces, my dress, the bridesmaid dress, the celebrant, the flowers and what J will be wearing. Speaking of bridesmaids, my oldest friend (since kindergarten) is supposed to be my Maid of Honour, but I haven’t heard from her since before Christmas. No response from texts or Facebook. It’s strange, because she seemed really into the whole idea. So it looks like there will just be one bridesmaid, which I’m quite ok with. My younger sister (who just got married herself 3wks ago) is definitely going to be a bridesmaid, she’ll probably just end up being upgraded to Maid of Honour. And then there’s my best friend who was originally going to be my Maid of Honour, but we keep falling out. I never know whether we’re actually getting on or not. So I’ve given up. It just adds a whole lot more stress that I don’t need. Also, with only having one bridesmaid, that means J doesn’t have to find another groomsman 🙂
We’ll see how it all works out, which I’m sure it will (not just the wedding, but everything, you know, my life).