I have been considerably lucky with regards to fat phobic comments. Though Mum always says as we were growing up, she was constantly trying to get me to stop eating so much and my younger, much slimmer sister to eat more, I have no memory of this. It was my sister who used to steal food and hide it in her room. I don’t remember getting teased at school until end of Form 2 (Year 8), and that was one boy calling me “fatty” once. Maybe it was just so terrible that I’ve blocked it all out, but I’m guessing I was just lucky.
Since then I’ve had the “are you pregnant?” comments (seriously, if you’re not 100% sure, you really shouldn’t ask), and comments from family members (particularly my Mum) saying that I should lose weight, though not in so many words, and that they only say it because they “care about me”. I’ve had a couple of fat phobic doctors, but generally I’ve been pretty lucky with that too (and my current doctor is fantastic!).
I don’t know where the confidence that I seem to have comes from. It’s part of the giant contradiction that I seem to be. I like to stand out from the crowd, by what I wear, the colour of my hair, my spiritual beliefs, my social beliefs, maybe I use my weight as part of that. Then we have the part of me that worries about what other think about me, what they say about me behind my back (yay, social phobias!).
Ever since I met J though, the self confidence has been easier. It’s easier to think like this. This is even in the face of my social anxieties becoming more profound once I got my depression under control.
It’s through this blog and getting my Bachelor in Political Science that I hope to reaffirm this self confidence and to help other realize their own self confidence and accepting themselves for all the awesomeness that they are.