I Feel Like I Missed Out…

I don’t seem to have the ultra-creativity that many other sufferers of Bipolar Disorder seem too…

Sure, I’m fairly eccentric when it comes to my clothing and hair styles, but that’s pretty much it.

I have dabbled in the odd bit of poetry and art, but not for a long time, and I certainly wouldn’t say that it was particularly fantastic (no matter what I tried to tell myself at the time).

Maybe my perceptions are being skewed by society and the media… that and the fact that I have type 2 Bipolar Disorder, which generally doesn’t seem to have the same potentially dangerous and extreme effects on an individual and their surroundings as type 1 does. I tend to have mixed episodes, and, luckily I suppose, not hypomania.

I had thought that once I had my correct diagnoses that it would make everything seem a little better, but now I feel even more isolated than anything else. I have Evil Twin Fae sitting inside my head, surrounded by her gremlins, telling me that I’m doing it wrong.

Who needs trolls when you’ve got your very own one living in your head.

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You can find a complete contradiction of this post here.

8 thoughts on “I Feel Like I Missed Out…

  1. (((hugs)))
    Your energy just doesn’t manifest itself in traditional ‘creative’ ways.
    However, consider your social conscience. The way you appreciate, critique and comment on the creativity of others and the world at large. Your own writing, be it poetry or prose. The ways you interact with others. You’re making a mark on the world irrespective of whether you can scribble your name on some canvasses or create some freaky installation that makes everyone go ‘Hmmm’. The rest of us don’t think you’re doing it wrong.

    Isn’t it crazy that even when it comes to something like mental illness, we can still feel inadequate? I recall suffering badly as a teen bulimic… and resenting that the universe hadn’t made me anorexic instead because at least I’d be thin then. *facepalm*

  2. Evil Twins inside heads suck. Mine is rearing its grotty little head at the moment. At the time of my worst episode, I wished I could be put into residential care just so I didnt have to pretend.
    At the moment, I almost wish I was depressed again because I just feel like any interestingness about myself is sucked out being on medication.

    • That sucks 😦

      It’s hard to get a balance between the medication and still being yourself, and needs lots of trial and error along the way (though I’m sure you know this). I’ve had my own fair share of not the most ideal of medications.

      Have you looked into other medication options that might be more suitable?

      Then of course you have to balance out whether you feel you function better on or off the medication. Everyone is different.

  3. Pingback: Dreams are Strange « That Girl, Fae

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