That’s how my mind feels to me right now. I can almost get a hold of things, only to have it all slip through my fingers.
Now is a completely inappropriate time to be having a depressive cycle. Come on brain! At least I can get work done during a manic cycle.
It all just seems too much…
I don’t think I’m cut out for university. It’s still kicking my arse after two & a half years and I’m only half way to my degree.
But what else will I do? It’s not like I can just go get a job in this state (both the country’s economy and myself mentally).
And I do enjoy learning, most of the time. I don’t even mind writing the odd essay.
I was so good last term! It felt like everything had finally clicked into place.
Now that the wedding is all over and done with though, I’ve had this massive drop that I just can’t pick myself up from. It’s a real decent one this time. I’ve just been feeling deflated since the day after the wedding. Given that the wedding was a month ago today, this is my longest depressive cycle I’ve had for a long time.
Even though J knew that this could happen occasionally, he knew my mental health history before he married me, I still feel like I’m letting him down. He doesn’t deserve all this worry. This isn’t what the honeymoon period is supposed to be like!
I wonder if this is similar to what post-natal depression feels like?
What am I going to do?