The Trials of Being the Owner of a Vagina

This post is going to be about vaginas and labias.  Generally mine, so just the one vagina.  If you have no desire to read my complaints about said vagina or her health, or public waiting lists for gynecologists, then consider this your fair warning.  I’m going to be a little detailed, but purely in a clinical manner.  Feel free to go here instead.  Immediately following there is a cute animal buffer, below that, you were warned.

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For a while now my vagina and I seem to having problems with getting along.  I’d had enough of it, so decided to see a nurse.

I explained to the nurse that I was sore, all the time, occasionally itchy, occasionally crampy along the vaginal wall spontaneously (these cramps are nothing like period cramps, which I haven’t had since October 2010 when I started taking Noriday), my labia minora had shrunk to half its previous size (I used to be a outty, now I’m an inny), and the smell had… changed, it wasn’t bad, it was just different.  And there was also that I haven’t been able to have sex comfortably in about a year.  Lubrication is generally fine, but most of the time it hurts like a mofo.  She had a look, took samples to be tested, and said everything looked normal, but suggested I also see the doctor.

One of the problems with labias and vaginas is that because there’s such a variety from person to person, there’s a huge range for what is considered normal.  Unless you happen to see the same person more regularly than once every three years for a pap smear, but not so often that they can’t notice slow changes over a period of time, then things are generally going to look normal. (Does that make sense? I think it makes sense.)

I get to the doctor, explain all of the above again.  She takes a look as well, thinks I may have some thrush, but it generally looks fine.  Tells me to get some blood tests to check my hormone levels, and to wait for all the results to come back.

While the nurse actually treated my concern about my labia minora seriously, I did feel that the doctor just kind of brushed it aside, like it wasn’t something to be worried about, that I must have been mistaken in my recollection what my own vagina/labia minora used to be like.

So I wait for the test results to come back.  A couple of days later I get a message saying results all came back negative, there’s no infection of any kind, and my hormone levels are all normal.

I asked the doctor to please, send a referral to the hospital so I can see a gynecologist.  I told her that I know something isn’t right, even if the test results don’t agree.  She said that she would, though it felt like she was doing it begrudgingly.

And now I wait.  I’ve been placed on the routine waiting list, and should receive an appointment within the next six months.  And while I wait, I continue to feel that I’m somewhat failing at being a wife because I can’t have sex.  Even if J tells me otherwise, it sucks.  I don’t know what else I can do about it, if there is anything I can do, and it makes me kind of sad.

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

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That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

Great Big Meanie Pants

The other day I noticed that a person I consider a real life friend had unfriended me on a social networking site. Awkward. So I sent her a message asking why. I know that sometimes people get unfriended by mistake, and if that wasn’t the case, I just wanted to know if I had done something wrong.

While declaring she didn’t have to justify herself nor her decisions, she went on to do so. Apparently I had made it clear on several occasions that I don’t actually like her, and I don’t respect her, her journey, her background etc. This was all news to me. Obviously she was continually getting the wrong end of the stick, and instead of talking to me about it, it became this giant thing. (This is the same person who thought “are you coming to the wedding?” meant that she was no longer invited, when in fact she just hadn’t RSVPed, and I actually just needed to know if she was coming.)

So I apologised for the miscommunication, and said I wouldn’t bother her again. There was some more back and forth, finishing with her saying she “can’t change how you think, feel or behave, so I’ll leave you to it.” After which she proceeded to block me.

This got me thinking. The online world has made it far to easy to just ignore things we don’t want to deal with, and to not take responsibility for our actions.

Sure if someone’s spouting horrible, hateful things at you, being able to block them is a blessing. But if you’ve been a jerk, and someone’s calling you out on it? Or they just happen to disagree with you over something? That really is the online equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears, and singing, “I can’t hear you!!” All it proves is that you can’t have a mature discussion.

What is society going to come to when so many of us can’t talk about things properly? How are we supposed to learn and grow? How are we going to recognize that our actions have consequences? It’s very troublesome, and, being the easy way out, is unlikely to change.

Sour Grapes Don’t Make Good Wine

Through life we each follow our own path. Sometimes that path is rocky and steep, you may have someone there to help you along, you may not; other times it’s pretty smooth and easy, nothing more than a causal stroll. It may be short, it may be long. Each is different, and we only truly know our own.

There is no point getting pissy because you perceive someone else’s path to the same point as easier than yours, that they had a ‘easy in’. It doesn’t invalidate their journey there. It’s also handy to note that perception isn’t always reality. It’s not your path, you don’t really have any idea how things came to be, and you don’t have any right to judge people on your own assumptions.

So what if part of their journey looked easier? The odds are that at some other point, either in the past or the future, you will be the one who has the easier route. Ease of journey doesn’t make anyone more or less superior.

Just because someone does something differently to you, doesn’t mean that they’re doing it wrong. There is no one right way. What if everyone went through the exact same experiences, at the exact same time in their lives? That there was only one way of doing things? Imagine how boring that would be! The same goes for the everyday. It’s impossible to get progress in anything if we all do things the same way.

Sure you can help others by sharing your own experiences, but remember that education is supposed to build and grow, not shut down and restrict. You might have a whole lot of different experiences behind you, but that doesn’t mean that you know everything about anything, nor the best way for someone to get to where they want to be (which may or may not be where you are). Not everyone is able to start at the same level, and people progress at different rates. You were able to jump right up to a high level and have been screaming ahead ever since? Good for you. That doesn’t make you a better person, or a worse person for that matter. It just makes you different to the other guy. And getting stroppy because others might not want to do things the way that you do? Tantrums don’t look cute on two-years olds for very long either.

By refusing to give credence to the experiences and journeys of others, you only succeed in bringing everyone down and making things bitter, while coming across as a self-entitled, toy-throwing, judgmental arsehole. And no one likes an arsehole.

Things I Wish I Had Known 10 Years Ago

I recently came across this post by Miss Amaranth. Seeing as it is my birthday today, and I’m being all reflective, I thought I would share it here:

*snagged in full, because it’s all so true*

  • “You are not a horrible unlovable slut if you don’t marry the man you lose your virginity to.”
  • “Sex is nice, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting it. It’s also okay NOT to want it. It’s your decision, always.”
  • “You’re bi, and that’s okay! For God’s sake, stop denying it!” (Well pansexual, but along the same drift, and I did identify as bisexual for a long time.)
  • “Someone doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse.”
  • “One fight doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Arguments are very normal. Learn how to fight well, rather than aiming to never ever fight at all.”
  • “Anybody who will try to force you to change is not worth your time.”
  • “You’re allowed to leave someone as well, if you want to.”
  • “The One Big Love Of Your Life who will complete you, make you whole and take away all your problems is a myth.”
  • “There are more possibilities to love than the house → marriage → babies → happy-ever-after path. That’s one route, no more ‘correct’ than any other. It’s worth considering it might not be the right one for you.”
  • “When in doubt, communication is the answer.”
  • “You think this is ‘madly in love?’ Honey, wait until you see what Madly In Love really feels like!”
  • “A couple of years from now, you’re going to discover this amazing movement called ‘polyamory’ and a new world of fun, adventure, challenge and love will open up to you. Get ready to enjoy the ride, because it’s going to be intense!”

I have no regrets about my life so far, for that has made me who I am today. Knowing all of the above when I was younger probably wouldn’t have changed how I lived my life, or the experiences I had, but I think it would have been nice to have known.