“Erotica” to Make You Giggle

You know that banner over to the right that warns you about posts and links that may be Not Safe For Work (NSFW)? This is one of those posts, and has some of those links.

While trawling through the month-long back-log of my Google Reader, I came across this post by Violet Blue which put me on to this little gem: Fifty Shades Generator.

Inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, which is to erotica and BDSM what Twilight is to vampires (spoiler: not that great), upon clicking Ms Blue’s link, I was greeted with this:

The slamming makes me splurge my clunge gunge all over his skin flute. Within no time, I could feel the shitty steamin’ semen trickling from my mavis fritter and all over my hairy goblet. There was cock custard weeping from his ocean’s 11 inches and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. My mouth was so full of cheese-crusted cock and Da Vinci load, the creamy load was flowing down my chin and onto my superdroopers. The feeling of his love piss salivating down my throat got my vertical moisture flowing quicker than greased shit off a shiny shovel.

Seriously, splurge my clunge gunge!? That’s brilliant, and some pretty fantastic random generation.

Clicking on “generate more” did not disappoint:

After having my chamber of squelch fucked, he then proceeded to slam my mavis fritter. When he removed his brie baton from my cocoa channel, he was pleasantly surprised to see a Mr. Hanky staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to gobble the Mr. Hanky off his spam dagger. I can’t wait to suck the baby gravy from his stilton sword. Inserting a footlong fudge bullet into my smush mitten got me spouting spaff faster than a greased weasel shit. The unrelenting orgasms from his veiny quim prod hammering my cod crater made me come so hard, I began sweating like a gypsy near an unlocked shipping container.

Is it talking about scat play? I’m pretty sure it’s talking about scat play.

And while that makes me a tad uncomfortable (hard limit there), the number of different types of slang used is astounding. Even though the paragraph was generated by a computer, someone still had to enter those terms, had to think up those terms.

So go on, embrace your immaturity, if only for a moment.

I’m His Girl

For a while now I’ve been trying to pin down exactly what the dynamic of my relationship with J is. Dom/sub didn’t fit. Master/slave certainly didn’t! Top/bottom? While that’s closer, it still wasn’t quite right. Then yesterday, thanks to a friend’s revelation, I had a revelation of my own:

Our relationship totally fits in with the Daddy/girl dynamic!

I wanted this:

[to be] free to be immature and childish, unrestrained and uninhibited, knowing the Daddy is there to provide direction, structure and discipline

(linky link) and I found it in J 🙂

People often get confused about our dynamic, thinking I’m the dominant one, but that’s because they don’t realise that while I’m with J, I’m a demanding, bratty, spoiled child 😛

And, of course, that dynamic doesn’t follow through to my interactions and relationships with other people.

There is absolutely NOTHING incestuous about this dynamic. I should really have to state that, but people are… well… people.

I think maybe some of the reasons some of my past relationships have failed is because I ended up with another ‘little,’ or was unfortunate enough to find someone who saw my innocence and naivety and took advantage of it, or it might have just been because that they were actually emotionally abusive and controlling arseholes *shrug*

Side note: who’d thought that you’d be able to keep up the perception of innocence and naivety without actually still needing to be innocent and naive!!

PS.

IT’S ONLY 11 MORE DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING & I BECOME MRS J!!

PPS.
This comic sums it up perfectly!!

My Rapist was my Boyfriend

There have been a number of conversations lately regarding consent. After reading this article by Tracy Clark-Flory about safewords being ignored, I decided it was time I talked about my own experience.

TRIGGER WARNING: Rape

When I was 23, I was raped.

It took me a long time to realise what happened was in fact rape. I had thought just acknowledging it would be enough to come to terms with what happened, and it did, for a short time. I hope by talking about it now, it will give me some closure, and perhaps stop the same thing from happening to at least one other person.

I was young, inexperienced, naïve and in my first BDSM relationship. French was my Master, and I was his submissive. I was completely infatuated with him, and trusted him completely. I couldn’t talk to anyone else about the relationship, because I was French’s secret mistress, and he didn’t want it getting back to his partner. I got it in my head that because they were having problems, he would leave her for me, and to help that happen, I would do anything to please him.

One night French sent me a text to say he was coming round. I was to meet him at the door completely naked, or we would have anal sex (which we had not had together up until that point, because I was not ready, and had told him so, repeatedly). That was the whole extent of the negotiation. No discussion of safewords, hard limits, or anything else. I didn’t think I would ever never a safeword. Why would I? I (thought I) was in love with French, and trusted him completely. He would never force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. Would he?

I was living in a flat by myself at this point. So I had no safety back up, someone to help me make sure nothing went wrong. Again, I didn’t think I would need to.

I sat on the couch, naked under my bathrobe, eagerly awaiting French’s arrival. He knocked, I disrobed, and opened the door. I thought (mistakenly) that this would show him that I truly had no desire to engage in any anal sex with him that night.

French led me to my bedroom. Some foreplay ensued. He grabbed a condom, put it on. Then it happened. He flipped me over onto my front and pinned me down. I tried to get away, while saying “No! I don’t want to!” He ignored my pleas, even though consensual non-consent was not part of our dynamic (I didn’t even know such a thing existed). There was no preparation, no lube. I stopped struggling, and lay there silently, trying to move into a position where maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much, just wanting it to be over.

When he was finished, I felt numb, unsure what had just happened. Rape never even crossed my mind, after all, he was my boyfriend. Boyfriends don’t rape their girlfriends.

I ignored whatever I was feeling. Dirty. Used. After putting my bathrobe back on, I joined French on the couch, and we watched Project Runway together. And he went home.

A couple of weeks later, French and I parted ways. I had met J, and, after falling for him completely (for real this time), wanted to be exclusive.

About two years later, French got in contact with me again. By this point I had realised the true extent of what had happened, and I told him as such. He sheepishly said he didn’t realise, and had just gotten caught up in the moment. I believe that was his “apology.” I have not talked to him since, and have no desire too.

I know now that I, in no way, deserved what happened to me. I had followed the rules, and he had taken advantage of my innocence.

I don’t regret what happened though, it has helped make me who I am today, and I’m pretty ok with that person.

When a Scene Goes Wrong

It can happen to anyone.

I highly recommend everyone who has ever partaken in a scene, or plans to in the future, read this account of a public rope suspension that goes wrong.

Midori has 20 years of experience. The fifth comment at the end of the post is Mistress Tokyo‘s account of what happened (she was the bottom in the scene, and has over a decade of experience). They are both professionals, and that is more telling than anything that this could happen to anyone.

We are only human, and this shows no matter how experienced you are, how many workshops you attend, mistake can still be made, and accidents happen. “We do not ever know how we will react to an event until it happens” (seventh comment on post, Gray Dancer, kink educator).

This situation is not only a hypothetical, not an “if it happens”, but a “when it happens”. The more scenes you do, the bigger chance there is that something will go wrong. We need to become more aware of this possibility, so we can be more prepared when something does go wrong. It doesn’t matter how many times you say “That won’t happen to me”, that’s not a vaccine to prevent it from happening.

Frankly, not being able to admit that there’s the possibility of an accident happening would not make you a safe scene partner. That would be like saying you/your bottom doesn’t need a safeword, or that aftercare is not important.

h/t Kitty, PurrVersatility