“Erotica” to Make You Giggle

You know that banner over to the right that warns you about posts and links that may be Not Safe For Work (NSFW)? This is one of those posts, and has some of those links.

While trawling through the month-long back-log of my Google Reader, I came across this post by Violet Blue which put me on to this little gem: Fifty Shades Generator.

Inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, which is to erotica and BDSM what Twilight is to vampires (spoiler: not that great), upon clicking Ms Blue’s link, I was greeted with this:

The slamming makes me splurge my clunge gunge all over his skin flute. Within no time, I could feel the shitty steamin’ semen trickling from my mavis fritter and all over my hairy goblet. There was cock custard weeping from his ocean’s 11 inches and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. My mouth was so full of cheese-crusted cock and Da Vinci load, the creamy load was flowing down my chin and onto my superdroopers. The feeling of his love piss salivating down my throat got my vertical moisture flowing quicker than greased shit off a shiny shovel.

Seriously, splurge my clunge gunge!? That’s brilliant, and some pretty fantastic random generation.

Clicking on “generate more” did not disappoint:

After having my chamber of squelch fucked, he then proceeded to slam my mavis fritter. When he removed his brie baton from my cocoa channel, he was pleasantly surprised to see a Mr. Hanky staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to gobble the Mr. Hanky off his spam dagger. I can’t wait to suck the baby gravy from his stilton sword. Inserting a footlong fudge bullet into my smush mitten got me spouting spaff faster than a greased weasel shit. The unrelenting orgasms from his veiny quim prod hammering my cod crater made me come so hard, I began sweating like a gypsy near an unlocked shipping container.

Is it talking about scat play? I’m pretty sure it’s talking about scat play.

And while that makes me a tad uncomfortable (hard limit there), the number of different types of slang used is astounding. Even though the paragraph was generated by a computer, someone still had to enter those terms, had to think up those terms.

So go on, embrace your immaturity, if only for a moment.

I’m His Girl

For a while now I’ve been trying to pin down exactly what the dynamic of my relationship with J is. Dom/sub didn’t fit. Master/slave certainly didn’t! Top/bottom? While that’s closer, it still wasn’t quite right. Then yesterday, thanks to a friend’s revelation, I had a revelation of my own:

Our relationship totally fits in with the Daddy/girl dynamic!

I wanted this:

[to be] free to be immature and childish, unrestrained and uninhibited, knowing the Daddy is there to provide direction, structure and discipline

(linky link) and I found it in J 🙂

People often get confused about our dynamic, thinking I’m the dominant one, but that’s because they don’t realise that while I’m with J, I’m a demanding, bratty, spoiled child 😛

And, of course, that dynamic doesn’t follow through to my interactions and relationships with other people.

There is absolutely NOTHING incestuous about this dynamic. I should really have to state that, but people are… well… people.

I think maybe some of the reasons some of my past relationships have failed is because I ended up with another ‘little,’ or was unfortunate enough to find someone who saw my innocence and naivety and took advantage of it, or it might have just been because that they were actually emotionally abusive and controlling arseholes *shrug*

Side note: who’d thought that you’d be able to keep up the perception of innocence and naivety without actually still needing to be innocent and naive!!

PS.

IT’S ONLY 11 MORE DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING & I BECOME MRS J!!

PPS.
This comic sums it up perfectly!!