Facing Reality

Let’s be honest here (and the truth isn’t anywhere near as dramatic as the title suggests), this blog isn’t what it used to be, what it set out to be.

When I started out, I had all these grand ideas about left-wing feminist activist-type discussions rantings, focused on fat acceptance and sex positivity.  Over the course of the past two and a half years, it’s really diversified into all kinds of things.  Nothing shows this better than my current Twitter profile:

twitter profile

This blog has become about all of this.  And I really don’t think that’s a bad thing.  It’s like a window into being me, and that’s more than I ever thought I could do when I first started this endeavour.

So yes, I have managed to derail myself, but now you get all of me, the real me. (Yay you!)

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

Creative Commons License
That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

Things I Wish I Had Known 10 Years Ago

I recently came across this post by Miss Amaranth. Seeing as it is my birthday today, and I’m being all reflective, I thought I would share it here:

*snagged in full, because it’s all so true*

  • “You are not a horrible unlovable slut if you don’t marry the man you lose your virginity to.”
  • “Sex is nice, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting it. It’s also okay NOT to want it. It’s your decision, always.”
  • “You’re bi, and that’s okay! For God’s sake, stop denying it!” (Well pansexual, but along the same drift, and I did identify as bisexual for a long time.)
  • “Someone doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse.”
  • “One fight doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Arguments are very normal. Learn how to fight well, rather than aiming to never ever fight at all.”
  • “Anybody who will try to force you to change is not worth your time.”
  • “You’re allowed to leave someone as well, if you want to.”
  • “The One Big Love Of Your Life who will complete you, make you whole and take away all your problems is a myth.”
  • “There are more possibilities to love than the house → marriage → babies → happy-ever-after path. That’s one route, no more ‘correct’ than any other. It’s worth considering it might not be the right one for you.”
  • “When in doubt, communication is the answer.”
  • “You think this is ‘madly in love?’ Honey, wait until you see what Madly In Love really feels like!”
  • “A couple of years from now, you’re going to discover this amazing movement called ‘polyamory’ and a new world of fun, adventure, challenge and love will open up to you. Get ready to enjoy the ride, because it’s going to be intense!”

I have no regrets about my life so far, for that has made me who I am today. Knowing all of the above when I was younger probably wouldn’t have changed how I lived my life, or the experiences I had, but I think it would have been nice to have known.

Acceptance of the Self

I do not agree with the premise of Valentine’s Day. You should not need a specific day to remind you to show your love to others. Random acts of love are much more meaningful. However, think of this as my Valentine’s Day post: love from others, and how that can effect the love of oneself.

It’s funny which things can have a triggering effect in a positive way.

Yesterday I was thinking about when it was that I started accepting my own self. It happened in a way that many would think bizarre.

Lying in bed one night, after J had drunk a considerable amount of alcohol, he told me, “I love my fat slut.” I believe this is in reference to my body size (obviously), and our polyamorous (open) relationship.

I admit, I was a little shocked initially, but once that soon faded, I realized that I was proud to be his fat slut. Here was the man I loved more than anything in the world, professing his love for me, using terms that many would consider offensive, and using those terms in the most endearing way. It was at that moment that I was proud of who I was, I could see in myself what he was seeing, where I had previously been blind.

He was embarrassed when I told him what he had said the next day. I don’t blame him. He was probably thinking that I was going to be upset, not knowing that what he said had had completely the opposite effect.  It actually filled me with a warm glow-y feeling.  I had never felt so loved and accepted.

I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing that I only found self-acceptance though someone else accepting me, but at least I got there.

The Kink Spectrum Revisited

I first did a post on the kink spectrum back in April 2011. I figured seeing as it has been nearly a year, and I have done two other kink-related posts recently (here and here), I may as well give it another go, this time though I have included another test from OkCupid.com, the result of which will follow the two original tests.

My results for The Kink Spectrum Test:

 

Connoiseur
Kink repertoire 79%; 65% mental, 42% polar, and 62% unusual. Previously: Kink repertoire 71%; 64% mental, 79% polar, and 52% unusual.

Explanation of variables (I have highlighted the categories which I fall into, and noted difference to previous result in sea green):

KINK: How broad your kink repertoire is.
If your percentage isn’t as high as you think it should be, keep this in mind: there are people who like kinky things that you don’t like out there, and that may be a useful thing to know. Look for people who have similar overall kinkiness percentages.
– Higher, not by much though.

MENTAL: Mental vs. physical axis.
0-30: you enjoy the physical more than the mental
30-70: you enjoy the physical and mental equally
70-100: you enjoy the mental more than the physical
– Higher (barely), same category.

POLAR: Polar vs. nonpolar axis.
Whether it matters who’s doing it — you or the other person.
0-30: you like it both ways
30-70: your preferences are somewhat directional
70-100: you do one thing, they do another
– Lower, it would seem I now take a more balanced approach.

UNUSUAL: Unusual vs. typical axis.
0-30: you like the usual things
30-70: you do some of both
70-100: you prefer strange stuff
– Higher, still in the same category, but slightly less vanilla.

Within the cornucopia of kink, there are some things that most people, even people who don’t think of themselves as kinky, enjoy. Then there are things that it’s really best to ask first, or you might find yourself staring at a shocked or confused expression on the face of your naked companion. So it’s good to know how typical vs. unusual your preferences are.

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My results for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test:

 

Blue (450 nm)
You scored 68% self-confidence and 61% bandwidth! Previously: 70% self-confidence and 67% bandwidth.

Comparison with previous results is in magenta.

You scored 64% giving and 31% receiving on oral.
– Decrease in both, 68% giving and 38% receiving.
You scored 78% giving and 100% receiving on anal.
– Slight decrease in giving (89%), and now all for receiving (90%).
You scored 8% giving and 50% receiving on bondage.
– Interestingly preference for giving has not changed (8%), and but desire for receiving has (64%).
You scored 44% giving and 62% receiving on humiliation.
– No change for giving (44%), and confirmation of what I was already suspecting, that I am indeed more interested in receiving (71%).
You scored 28% giving and 67% receiving on pain.
– I’m not so interest in the art pain it would seem, 44% giving and 76% receiving.
You scored 36% dominance and 53% submission.
– More dominant (33%) and less submissive (60%), which is actually the opposite of what I’ve been feeling lately. Go figure. Though I may be confusing my desire for humiliation and degradation with submission.
You scored 71% voyeurism and 58% exhibitionism.
– Same interest in watching (71%), but would like to be watched slightly more (53%).

Besides that, you’re 44% into fetishism (what the? that’s certainly a surprise, 75%) and 88% polysexual (same same same, 88%) (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You’ll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 39% on autoerotic (this is also an unexpected change, 65%) – a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It’s not exactly a matching criterion, but it’s good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

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And now we have the new test:

My results for The GIGANTIC Sexual Impurity Test:

 

The Seeker of Kink
You have 51% Impurity, 37% Experience, 69% Fantasies, and 35% Freakyness!

You have experimented quite a bit in your life, but you long to do more… a lot more. All those taboos are simply begging to be broken… (Yeah, that’s about right.)

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And that’s it. Take the tests for yourself, and let me know how you go in the comments below 🙂