Wanna Contribute?

I haven’t had a guest post since forever.  In fact I’ve only ever had one (on Sexuality and the Sex-Positive Community by my friend Alexis) and that was back in February 2011.  Nearly two whole years ago!

So, I’m pretty keen in seeing if anyone would like to compose a guest post for me, or participate in a collaboration.  The topics I’d be interested in are pretty broad:

  • fat-acceptance/activism
  • queer theory and LGBTQ rights
  • experiences with sexuality and sexual/gender identity
  • sex-positivity
  • paganism
  • polyamory and non-monogamous/non-traditional relationships
  • mental health
  • social history (any era, though my area of study is modern world)
  • philosophy
  • Woman’s rights

I would love to talk to anyone who’d like to join me.  You can email me, leave a message on my Facebook Page, or @ me on Twitter.

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

Creative Commons License
That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

Facing Reality

Let’s be honest here (and the truth isn’t anywhere near as dramatic as the title suggests), this blog isn’t what it used to be, what it set out to be.

When I started out, I had all these grand ideas about left-wing feminist activist-type discussions rantings, focused on fat acceptance and sex positivity.  Over the course of the past two and a half years, it’s really diversified into all kinds of things.  Nothing shows this better than my current Twitter profile:

twitter profile

This blog has become about all of this.  And I really don’t think that’s a bad thing.  It’s like a window into being me, and that’s more than I ever thought I could do when I first started this endeavour.

So yes, I have managed to derail myself, but now you get all of me, the real me. (Yay you!)

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

Creative Commons License
That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

Things I Wish I Had Known 10 Years Ago

I recently came across this post by Miss Amaranth. Seeing as it is my birthday today, and I’m being all reflective, I thought I would share it here:

*snagged in full, because it’s all so true*

  • “You are not a horrible unlovable slut if you don’t marry the man you lose your virginity to.”
  • “Sex is nice, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting it. It’s also okay NOT to want it. It’s your decision, always.”
  • “You’re bi, and that’s okay! For God’s sake, stop denying it!” (Well pansexual, but along the same drift, and I did identify as bisexual for a long time.)
  • “Someone doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse.”
  • “One fight doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Arguments are very normal. Learn how to fight well, rather than aiming to never ever fight at all.”
  • “Anybody who will try to force you to change is not worth your time.”
  • “You’re allowed to leave someone as well, if you want to.”
  • “The One Big Love Of Your Life who will complete you, make you whole and take away all your problems is a myth.”
  • “There are more possibilities to love than the house → marriage → babies → happy-ever-after path. That’s one route, no more ‘correct’ than any other. It’s worth considering it might not be the right one for you.”
  • “When in doubt, communication is the answer.”
  • “You think this is ‘madly in love?’ Honey, wait until you see what Madly In Love really feels like!”
  • “A couple of years from now, you’re going to discover this amazing movement called ‘polyamory’ and a new world of fun, adventure, challenge and love will open up to you. Get ready to enjoy the ride, because it’s going to be intense!”

I have no regrets about my life so far, for that has made me who I am today. Knowing all of the above when I was younger probably wouldn’t have changed how I lived my life, or the experiences I had, but I think it would have been nice to have known.

Acceptance of the Self

I do not agree with the premise of Valentine’s Day. You should not need a specific day to remind you to show your love to others. Random acts of love are much more meaningful. However, think of this as my Valentine’s Day post: love from others, and how that can effect the love of oneself.

It’s funny which things can have a triggering effect in a positive way.

Yesterday I was thinking about when it was that I started accepting my own self. It happened in a way that many would think bizarre.

Lying in bed one night, after J had drunk a considerable amount of alcohol, he told me, “I love my fat slut.” I believe this is in reference to my body size (obviously), and our polyamorous (open) relationship.

I admit, I was a little shocked initially, but once that soon faded, I realized that I was proud to be his fat slut. Here was the man I loved more than anything in the world, professing his love for me, using terms that many would consider offensive, and using those terms in the most endearing way. It was at that moment that I was proud of who I was, I could see in myself what he was seeing, where I had previously been blind.

He was embarrassed when I told him what he had said the next day. I don’t blame him. He was probably thinking that I was going to be upset, not knowing that what he said had had completely the opposite effect.  It actually filled me with a warm glow-y feeling.  I had never felt so loved and accepted.

I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing that I only found self-acceptance though someone else accepting me, but at least I got there.