The Trials of Being the Owner of a Vagina

This post is going to be about vaginas and labias.  Generally mine, so just the one vagina.  If you have no desire to read my complaints about said vagina or her health, or public waiting lists for gynecologists, then consider this your fair warning.  I’m going to be a little detailed, but purely in a clinical manner.  Feel free to go here instead.  Immediately following there is a cute animal buffer, below that, you were warned.

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For a while now my vagina and I seem to having problems with getting along.  I’d had enough of it, so decided to see a nurse.

I explained to the nurse that I was sore, all the time, occasionally itchy, occasionally crampy along the vaginal wall spontaneously (these cramps are nothing like period cramps, which I haven’t had since October 2010 when I started taking Noriday), my labia minora had shrunk to half its previous size (I used to be a outty, now I’m an inny), and the smell had… changed, it wasn’t bad, it was just different.  And there was also that I haven’t been able to have sex comfortably in about a year.  Lubrication is generally fine, but most of the time it hurts like a mofo.  She had a look, took samples to be tested, and said everything looked normal, but suggested I also see the doctor.

One of the problems with labias and vaginas is that because there’s such a variety from person to person, there’s a huge range for what is considered normal.  Unless you happen to see the same person more regularly than once every three years for a pap smear, but not so often that they can’t notice slow changes over a period of time, then things are generally going to look normal. (Does that make sense? I think it makes sense.)

I get to the doctor, explain all of the above again.  She takes a look as well, thinks I may have some thrush, but it generally looks fine.  Tells me to get some blood tests to check my hormone levels, and to wait for all the results to come back.

While the nurse actually treated my concern about my labia minora seriously, I did feel that the doctor just kind of brushed it aside, like it wasn’t something to be worried about, that I must have been mistaken in my recollection what my own vagina/labia minora used to be like.

So I wait for the test results to come back.  A couple of days later I get a message saying results all came back negative, there’s no infection of any kind, and my hormone levels are all normal.

I asked the doctor to please, send a referral to the hospital so I can see a gynecologist.  I told her that I know something isn’t right, even if the test results don’t agree.  She said that she would, though it felt like she was doing it begrudgingly.

And now I wait.  I’ve been placed on the routine waiting list, and should receive an appointment within the next six months.  And while I wait, I continue to feel that I’m somewhat failing at being a wife because I can’t have sex.  Even if J tells me otherwise, it sucks.  I don’t know what else I can do about it, if there is anything I can do, and it makes me kind of sad.

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

Facing Reality

Let’s be honest here (and the truth isn’t anywhere near as dramatic as the title suggests), this blog isn’t what it used to be, what it set out to be.

When I started out, I had all these grand ideas about left-wing feminist activist-type discussions rantings, focused on fat acceptance and sex positivity.  Over the course of the past two and a half years, it’s really diversified into all kinds of things.  Nothing shows this better than my current Twitter profile:

This blog has become about all of this.  And I really don’t think that’s a bad thing.  It’s like a window into being me, and that’s more than I ever thought I could do when I first started this endeavour.

So yes, I have managed to derail myself, but now you get all of me, the real me. (Yay you!)

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If you’re reading this anywhere but That Girl, Fae or a feed reader without attribution, it has been STOLEN! Who knew that my stuff was that good? ~ Fae

That Girl, Fae by R Simpson-Large aka Fae Teardrop is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 New Zealand License.

Project Complete, Now Tell All The People!!

I’m pretty proud of my latest completed knitting project, so I’m telling all the social medias!! (All being here, Facebook, and Twitter.)

Using this Ostrich Plume Shrug pattern, I made this creation:

And this is a close up of the detail:

I cast on an extra 60 stitches to account for the bigger size (making it extra large), and kept all the other measurements the same.

It took me about two weeks to complete, working off and on.

Now I’ve started another version, using this yarn:

It’s composed of 30% cotton and 70% bamboo, which will be perfect for the coming summer months. After I’ve finished this next one, I plan on doing yet another one in yellow, though I may make up my own lace pattern, just to keep things a little different.

As an aside, you can find my marriage equality singlet I’m wearing in the photos here at Mr Vintage. It also comes as a t-shirt, and is still Deal of the Day. Get it at the cheaper price while you still can!

Fighting Against the Binary Assumption

I came across this post this morning, and, like this one, it got me thinking, particularly this Q&A:

Is bisexual a legit thing or is it a fence-sitting thing for either confused straight girls or half-closeted lesbians? Whether legit or not, does the concept of bi hurt LGBT political equality since the straight majority may see it as fence-sitting, as evidence that being gay is a choice?

I. Love. This. Question!

Many people see bisexuality as someone who’s “unable to choose,” “confused,” or “just waiting to cross over to fully homosexual.” I could not disagree more! There is this thing, and it’s called desire. As humans, we’ve got it. Sexually, we desire to be with people (for the most part), and those people differ per person. Heterosexual people want to be with a sex opposite of their own, because that’s what turns them on. Homosexuals: same, only same sex. It’s basic, when you think about it. So, for a bisexual person, their desires lie with both sexes. And who’s to say that’s not a real thing?

There are those cases that make it difficult for people who strongly identify as bisexual: the BTG (bi til graduation) folks who use their time in their 20s to hook up with lots of people, be it female or male, or for attention at parties… whatever. Those people happen. It’s called life. Maybe they really were legitimately curious — we aren’t here to pass judgment on those people, but they can make it difficult. If someone’s personal experience is only with girls who made out with other girls around a beer pong table to turn on the guy next to them and later take them home, then yeah, it can be frustrating. Coming out as bisexual is incredibly difficult, and can be hard to explain. My bisexual friends are fantastic at explaining themselves: they are very attracted to both sexes for different reasons. I’ve mentioned this before: I have a friend who finds nothing sexier than both a big strong man and a delicate woman’s touch, and that’s what works for her. Who are we to say that isn’t real?

There’s also some crappy shaming that does come from inside of the LGBT community toward bisexual people. I’ve seen it happen, and it sucks. When someone who’s supposed to be on your side wants you to just choose already, it can be disheartening (hello, Alice on The L Word!) and discouraging. It’s unfair for people to assume that all people should feel what they do on any issue, and sexuality is huge. Just because someone is attracted to both sexes (whether they identify as bisexual, pansexual, genderqueer, or anything in between) doesn’t mean that it’s not true for them. There’s some identity-shaming that goes down, both from the straight community who may want things to be cut and dry, and same for the queer community who doesn’t understand why a choice can’t be made. What most people don’t see is that a choice has been made. Bisexual people are choosing to put themselves out there as a person who loves who they love, just as all other people have. It’s not our place to tell them they’re wrong.

– Alison Wisneski, Ask A Lesbian, Vol. 4

I suppose this is another chapter in my ‘You’re Doing it Wrong’ beef I’ve got going on at the moment.

I identify as pansexual and happen to be in a heterosexual marriage.

Being married to J doesn’t magically make me straight. Just like being in any type of relationship doesn’t mean you’re no longer attracted to anyone else outside that relationship.

It doesn’t mean I’m confused, that I just haven’t decided which ‘team’ I’m playing for yet. There aren’t only two sides. Sexuality is a beautiful. fluid spectrum; you may fall anywhere along that spectrum, and you’re position may change over time.

Being in a heterosexual relationship doesn’t take away my legitimacy as a member of the LGBTQ community, though it certainly feels like it. I’m pretty sure if J happened to be female then it would be more acceptable, then I would only be a ‘confused’ lesbian.

I understand my relationship with J, the fact we are even able to get married, gives both of us privilege. But that privilege is only through assumptions of others (which all privilege is I suppose, to a degree). That privilege takes away my identity, makes me invisible.

Exclusion never really benefits anyone, the excluded nor the excluder.