Tag Archives: NSFW

“Erotica” to Make You Giggle

You know that banner over to the right that warns you about posts and links that may be Not Safe For Work (NSFW)? This is one of those posts, and has some of those links.

While trawling through the month-long back-log of my Google Reader, I came across this post by Violet Blue which put me on to this little gem: Fifty Shades Generator.

Inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, which is to erotica and BDSM what Twilight is to vampires (spoiler: not that great), upon clicking Ms Blue’s link, I was greeted with this:

The slamming makes me splurge my clunge gunge all over his skin flute. Within no time, I could feel the shitty steamin’ semen trickling from my mavis fritter and all over my hairy goblet. There was cock custard weeping from his ocean’s 11 inches and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. My mouth was so full of cheese-crusted cock and Da Vinci load, the creamy load was flowing down my chin and onto my superdroopers. The feeling of his love piss salivating down my throat got my vertical moisture flowing quicker than greased shit off a shiny shovel.

Seriously, splurge my clunge gunge!? That’s brilliant, and some pretty fantastic random generation.

Clicking on “generate more” did not disappoint:

After having my chamber of squelch fucked, he then proceeded to slam my mavis fritter. When he removed his brie baton from my cocoa channel, he was pleasantly surprised to see a Mr. Hanky staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to gobble the Mr. Hanky off his spam dagger. I can’t wait to suck the baby gravy from his stilton sword. Inserting a footlong fudge bullet into my smush mitten got me spouting spaff faster than a greased weasel shit. The unrelenting orgasms from his veiny quim prod hammering my cod crater made me come so hard, I began sweating like a gypsy near an unlocked shipping container.

Is it talking about scat play? I’m pretty sure it’s talking about scat play.

And while that makes me a tad uncomfortable (hard limit there), the number of different types of slang used is astounding. Even though the paragraph was generated by a computer, someone still had to enter those terms, had to think up those terms.

So go on, embrace your immaturity, if only for a moment.

When a Scene Goes Wrong

It can happen to anyone.

I highly recommend everyone who has ever partaken in a scene, or plans to in the future, read this account of a public rope suspension that goes wrong.

Midori has 20 years of experience. The fifth comment at the end of the post is Mistress Tokyo‘s account of what happened (she was the bottom in the scene, and has over a decade of experience). They are both professionals, and that is more telling than anything that this could happen to anyone.

We are only human, and this shows no matter how experienced you are, how many workshops you attend, mistake can still be made, and accidents happen. “We do not ever know how we will react to an event until it happens” (seventh comment on post, Gray Dancer, kink educator).

This situation is not only a hypothetical, not an “if it happens”, but a “when it happens”. The more scenes you do, the bigger chance there is that something will go wrong. We need to become more aware of this possibility, so we can be more prepared when something does go wrong. It doesn’t matter how many times you say “That won’t happen to me”, that’s not a vaccine to prevent it from happening.

Frankly, not being able to admit that there’s the possibility of an accident happening would not make you a safe scene partner. That would be like saying you/your bottom doesn’t need a safeword, or that aftercare is not important.

h/t Kitty, PurrVersatility

The Kink Spectrum Revisited

I first did a post on the kink spectrum back in April 2011. I figured seeing as it has been nearly a year, and I have done two other kink-related posts recently (here and here), I may as well give it another go, this time though I have included another test from OkCupid.com, the result of which will follow the two original tests.

My results for The Kink Spectrum Test:

 

Connoiseur
Kink repertoire 79%; 65% mental, 42% polar, and 62% unusual. Previously: Kink repertoire 71%; 64% mental, 79% polar, and 52% unusual.

Explanation of variables (I have highlighted the categories which I fall into, and noted difference to previous result in sea green):

KINK: How broad your kink repertoire is.
If your percentage isn’t as high as you think it should be, keep this in mind: there are people who like kinky things that you don’t like out there, and that may be a useful thing to know. Look for people who have similar overall kinkiness percentages.
– Higher, not by much though.

MENTAL: Mental vs. physical axis.
0-30: you enjoy the physical more than the mental
30-70: you enjoy the physical and mental equally
70-100: you enjoy the mental more than the physical
– Higher (barely), same category.

POLAR: Polar vs. nonpolar axis.
Whether it matters who’s doing it — you or the other person.
0-30: you like it both ways
30-70: your preferences are somewhat directional
70-100: you do one thing, they do another
– Lower, it would seem I now take a more balanced approach.

UNUSUAL: Unusual vs. typical axis.
0-30: you like the usual things
30-70: you do some of both
70-100: you prefer strange stuff
– Higher, still in the same category, but slightly less vanilla.

Within the cornucopia of kink, there are some things that most people, even people who don’t think of themselves as kinky, enjoy. Then there are things that it’s really best to ask first, or you might find yourself staring at a shocked or confused expression on the face of your naked companion. So it’s good to know how typical vs. unusual your preferences are.

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My results for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test:

 

Blue (450 nm)
You scored 68% self-confidence and 61% bandwidth! Previously: 70% self-confidence and 67% bandwidth.

Comparison with previous results is in magenta.

You scored 64% giving and 31% receiving on oral.
– Decrease in both, 68% giving and 38% receiving.
You scored 78% giving and 100% receiving on anal.
– Slight decrease in giving (89%), and now all for receiving (90%).
You scored 8% giving and 50% receiving on bondage.
– Interestingly preference for giving has not changed (8%), and but desire for receiving has (64%).
You scored 44% giving and 62% receiving on humiliation.
– No change for giving (44%), and confirmation of what I was already suspecting, that I am indeed more interested in receiving (71%).
You scored 28% giving and 67% receiving on pain.
– I’m not so interest in the art pain it would seem, 44% giving and 76% receiving.
You scored 36% dominance and 53% submission.
– More dominant (33%) and less submissive (60%), which is actually the opposite of what I’ve been feeling lately. Go figure. Though I may be confusing my desire for humiliation and degradation with submission.
You scored 71% voyeurism and 58% exhibitionism.
– Same interest in watching (71%), but would like to be watched slightly more (53%).

Besides that, you’re 44% into fetishism (what the? that’s certainly a surprise, 75%) and 88% polysexual (same same same, 88%) (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You’ll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 39% on autoerotic (this is also an unexpected change, 65%) – a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It’s not exactly a matching criterion, but it’s good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

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And now we have the new test:

My results for The GIGANTIC Sexual Impurity Test:

 

The Seeker of Kink
You have 51% Impurity, 37% Experience, 69% Fantasies, and 35% Freakyness!

You have experimented quite a bit in your life, but you long to do more… a lot more. All those taboos are simply begging to be broken… (Yeah, that’s about right.)

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And that’s it. Take the tests for yourself, and let me know how you go in the comments below 🙂